And if for some reason they can’t at least you will know that you tried. If you do the work and fix what you broke they will probably at least try and forgive you. As bad as it may be, most mothers and fathers are loving toward their children.
If you are estranged because of what you have done you should try and make amends before they die. Maybe it isn’t perfect but they aren’t perfect and neither are you. I believe that most all parents love their children. Your children are missing out on knowing their family and their grandparents. If you are a biological child you miss out on your family health history. What you are losing is your roots, your family history and heritage. What you are in essence modeling for your own children is that 1) parents aren’t important and can be easily erased from your life 2) disrespect 3) silent treatment 4) judgment 5) lack of tolerance and lack of forgiveness. They are very likely to dismiss you from their lives the same way they have witnessed you do it to your mother and/or father. The saddest thing for you is that if you have children, no matter their ages and or how close you may be at this time, by virtue of the fact that you have chosen this, you have now modeled behavior for your own children. As justified as you may believe that you are in estranging from your parents, it is not healthy. Regardless of the details of my story I am here to tell you that there are no winners in estrangement. Today I have more peace than ever before, I know that she knows the truth now. My sisters would decide to delete my existence from her obituary. This lasted for many years until I came to peace and acceptance. I was angry and I was hurt and I was disappointed in my mother. Regardless of how justified I thought I was in removing myself and my children, this was not an ideal situation. And I made it easy for her to do this by walking away. It was easier for her to make me out to be a bad person rather than face the truth about the man that she married and stayed married to until he died. My mother didn’t want to hear it or to believe it. I believed the child that shared this and I never wanted my children around him after this information was made known to me. What did my mother do to me that I felt this was an appropriate thing to do? It was confided in me that my mother’s husband was a sexual abuser. My sense was that although I had to work and couldn’t make the appointment she had at the dress shop with her girlfriends, I was in essence there with her! Yet not long after this she would estrange.įor more than 23 years I was estranged from my own mother. I share this because it was unsolicited when she shared this with me. Then I asked myself “what would my mom do?” and “I knew that you would look for an ivory colored gown and as soon as I realized that, I immediately found the perfect gown.” I can say that she attended numerous proms and the one time I could not go to the dress shop with her, she shared this dialogue with me “Mom all my friends were bringing me dresses, lots of dresses and none of them were right for me. I can say that I have letters in my child’s own handwriting that told me how much she loved me. When they grow up they begin to judge us. When children are little they are easy and often their love for us comes easily. More than 15 years into the estrangement and she still tries to hurt me. Nor did I ever comprehend her hatred and deep desire to hurt me. I never dreamt that one day she would walk away and never turn back.
I really believed we were close, very close. When she was growing up many friends shared with me that they wished they had the kind of relationship we shared. I wanted more for her than what I ever wanted for myself. She left home as a teenager. At one point she was the absolute love of my life. They can’t imagine how this happened and how the son and/or daughter that they loved and raised could so easily dismiss them from their lives.įor almost 17 years now my child has been estranged from me. Every single day I hear from mothers and fathers who are grieving your loss.
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